5 Coyote
A paper trail and a song for the ride or dies
I couldn’t find the words.
No, literally. I went looking for the lyrics, and I found multiple text edit documents, but all the lines were just slightly off. Early drafts.
They read like a breadcrumb trail. In the end, I'd changed some of the lines to convey the exact opposite of their initial sentiment. Replacing “agree” with “disagree” in “we disagree on the meaning of cold blood.” Like the initial drafts were me trying to speak salvation into existence, and the final draft was the sound of me giving in and coming to terms with the truth.
The eeriest part when listening back was hearing, “If we’re not in love, it’s okay,” and having to play it back multiple times to discern if that’s what I’m actually saying. I’m still not sure. But I do know that it’s not what I had written down in the earlier draft.
The earlier draft read, “We’re not in love; we are love.” A very New Age-y sentiment. One that refuses to recognize the cracks in the foundation. Thank God I got rid of it.
The line itself is the only vocal in the song recorded differently from the rest. The majority of the song’s vocals were recorded to feel inches away. I’m right up on the microphone. I remember pushing my nose into the face of the mic, as it caused me to enunciate differently, like I could barely get the words out. And that felt right.
But that one line. For whatever reason, I recorded that line with the microphone in the bathroom and me in the other room. So you’re hearing the sound of my voice hitting the walls rather than the intimate delivery of the rest of the song.
I don’t remember having an agenda for doing it that way. I don’t recall having any particular reason for the sonic journey of the song. I just felt that’s how it should be done, and that’s how I did it.
And now I sit here, reading back on this one line where I changed it to mean the exact opposite of what I’d initially written down, realizing that the entire song is me discovering what needed to die, as it was doomed for a very long time, and I’m slowly — in a tight-lipped and cautious delivery — admitting it. But when it came time to say it, I still couldn’t do it. So, I did it from the next room over.
“5 Coyote” is one of my favorite songs I’ve ever written and recorded, as it often feels like my life’s journey — and my creative journey — is to get out of my own goddamn way. It’s rare that there is such tangible evidence that I succeeded. I wish the song had seen a proper release, but I'm glad we're doing this now.
I hope you enjoy.
5 Coyote
How’d we never learn to take flight? We've been practicing all of our lives. Sit pretty we did we had a fire Something always seemed to smother the light. 5 coyotes in a cemetery I make believe I don’t know what it means maybe we’re here for the very same thing death underneath the palm trees. We left the one bedroom to get sane the slow drip of suburban landscape. They want a couple mil to view the lake think of all the space we could fill with this pain. 5 coyotes in the cemetery might be a sign, might be bad poetry we’re all here for the very same thing death underneath the palm trees. She’s doesn’t like the phrase “in love” we disagree on the meaning of cold blood hung from the ledge and knew we’d be fine knowing that we spent all of our lives. That’s the courage it takes to stay here speak it into the air to quell fear all the details a mess to stow away If we’re not in love, it’s okay. 5 coyotes in the cemetery The dust settles as they’re looking at me tear me to shreds, bring me to my knees.
5 Coyote (unreleased violent joy)
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Written/recorded/produced at my home studio Mixed/mastered by Warren Trunz